


A Punny Situation

by lordjenjen



Series: Team Red Shenanigans [7]
Category: Daredevil (Comics), Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Bad Jokes, Bad Puns, Do people read the tags, M/M, Some day I should see if I can make the tags longer then my story, but not really, just bad, slight smutt, why are you reading this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-16
Updated: 2016-04-16
Packaged: 2018-06-02 16:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6574135
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lordjenjen/pseuds/lordjenjen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is my poor egg-cuse to write really REALLY bad puns.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Punny Situation

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I am a little sorry for this one. But not enough.
> 
> There is a slight, not really, smutt bit.

A  _ Punny _ Situation

  
  
  


Peter glared at Wade. The man had just insulted Peter in a way he never knew possible. It hurt him where it mattered most, his ego.

 

“What do you mean?” Peter growled. 

 

“I mean, Spidey-wifu, that my jokes are way funnier than yours.” Wade punched a biker looking guy in the face and he went down.

 

“Your jokes are  _ terrible _ !” Peter shouted as he webbed another thug to pool table. “Seriously! ‘A blond, a brunette, and a redhead walk into a bar…’ was the best you could come up with?”

 

“That was genius! It’s funny because it’s true!”

 

“And it was terrible!”

 

“Husbando-Devil!” Wade cried. “Who is funnier?”

 

Matt dodged a chair and whacked a guy over the head, “Can we not do this now?”

 

Wade huffed as another thug went down. “Fine, but you’re not getting out of it that easily.”

 

…

 

“Good morning, Matty!” Wade sang cheerfully and set Matt’s breakfast in front of him.

 

Matt took a bite. “How does it taste?” Wade asked with a mischievous tone.

 

Matt glanced worriedly at Wade. “Fine… Why?”

 

“Don’t you mean…  _ egg _ -cellent?” Wade giggled.

 

“Goddamnit Wade. Are we really going to do this?” Matt asked, giving Wade his most menacing glare.

 

Wade leaned in close and kissed Matt’s cheek. “Not until you admit I am the Punniest!”

 

Peter rushed out of the bedroom, angrily glaring at Wade. “That’s not fair. You can’t start this contest when I’m not here to defend my title!” 

 

“Fine, love, it starts now. Aren’t you  _ egg _ -cited?” Wade asked, handing Peter an egg sandwich.

 

“You think you are so egg-cellent at this.” Peter said, sitting at the table and taking a bite of his sandwich.

 

“I already used that one Petey! This is  _ egg _ -actly why I am the best.”

 

“No, you’re just  _ egg _ -traordinarily annoying.”

 

Wade picked up a fruit from the bowl on the counter and chucked it at Peter saying, “Man _ go _ to school!” 

 

Peter easily caught the fruit and glared at Wade. “First off, it’s Saturday. Second, did you seriously just throw fruit at me for a pun?” 

 

“I am the king!” Wade said and started cooking his own eggs.

 

“Some king you are if you’re  _ pan _ -handling.” Peter snickered at his own joke.

 

“Touché, Peter.” Wade smirked at Peter took a bite of his sandwich. Yellow gooiness running down his chin, “But the  _ yolk _ is on you! Because I’m KING!”

 

Matt felt like crying. It was going to be a very long day.

 

…

 

“SHIT!” Wade yelled from the kitchen. 

 

Peter ran out from his office where he was working. Matt slowly turned his head, dreading what he was about to hear.

 

“What?” Peter asked anxious.

 

“There is a  _ leek _ in the drawer.” Wade pointed to the vegetable drawer.

 

Peter groaned. Matt buried his head in his hands.

 

…

 

Peter threw a handful of salt at Wade. “Better call the Avengers. You’ve been… as _ sault _ ed.” Peter threw on his shades and left the apartment.

 

...

 

Wade walked through the living room with a laundry basket and began throwing clothes at Peter.

 

“What the shit, Wilson!?” Peter yelled blocking the barrage of dirty clothes.

 

“I just wanted to  _ sock _ you.”

 

Peter looked down and realized everything Wade threw, were in fact, socks. 

 

…

 

Peter sat at the kitchen table squeezing the change from his pocket. Wade gave Peter a curious look.

 

“Peter, honey, what are you doing?”

 

“Penny Pinching.”

 

…

 

Wade ran through the living room, smacking something to Peter’s arm yelling, “Tag! You’re it!”

 

Peter looked down to see Wade had hit him with a tag from a new shirt.

 

…

 

Wade’s phone beeped with a new text message. Peter was at the grocery store picking up what Wade had requested. Naturally, Wade assumed he had a question about something Wade wrote.

 

**I feel bad for shopping carts. They are always being** **_pushed around_ ** **.**

 

…

 

“Wade, I’m cold.” Peter said as a poor excuse to cuddle with his boyfriend.

 

“Go stand in a corner. It’s 90º over there.”

 

....

 

Wade pushed pushed Peter on to the bed and crawled between his legs, wanting desperately for his lips to be on Peter’s. Matt sucked on a sensitive part of Wade’s neck causing the man to moan into the kiss. Wade broke the kiss to make out with Matt for a bit. He felt hands caress his ass crack.

 

“Wade,” Peter whined needily. Wade loved it when Peter was like this. “Can I  _ Slytherin _ to your  _ Chamber of Secrets _ ?”

 

Wade broke the kiss, his lust filled eyes locked with Peter’s. “Sorry, that Gryffin _ dor _ is under the Fidelius Charm and Matty here is the Secret Keeper.” Wade emphasized his point to Matt by rubbing his ass on Matt’s bulge. 

 

Matt couldn’t even be mad at them for bringing their petty war into the bedroom.

 

...

 

The trio was cuddled on the couch watching the news. The video footage was of Iron Man chasing Silver Surfer through the city. None of the men were going to get involved in whatever was happening. Peter let out a chuckle.

 

“Don’t do it…” Matt warned from between his two boyfriends.

 

“But if they just worked together they could be such great  _ alloys _ .”

 

“Goddamnit! It’s been two weeks. You guys are driving me insane.” 

 

“Are you sure that’s not Madcap?” Wade asked.

 

“Wade! This is what I’m talking about. I can’t even go into Ikea with you two anymore! You’re both ridiculous! You’re jokes and puns are equally bad! You both are lame!”

 

The only noise in the room was from the TV. Wade and Peter hugged Matt tightly.

 

“Sorry Matty, we’ll cut back to our normal amount of lameness” Wade said.

  
Peter whispered just loud enough for Matt to hear, “Damn right cause I was winning.” 

**Author's Note:**

> Fuck. I'm so sorry... I'm not but I am...


End file.
